Fantastic Article - Seven Habits of Highly Blubbered People.

IceDragon · 08-18-2009, 03:12 PM

I got this yesterday and thought it was such a great article, I'd post it here. I love the way this guy thinks.

Quote:

Note: I sent this email last year and it generated quite a lot of
negative responses. Lots of overly-sensitive people out there who
were offended. Nothing you can do to not offend them, as that's
just the way they're wired. So, here it is again:

The 7 Habits of Highly Blubbered People

Hi Sally,

If you are interested in the best way to get fat, then this is
your lucky day. I'm going to reveal some world class tips, some of which are worth their weight in gold.

These are the 7 Habits of Highly Blubbered People:

1. Avoid exercise at all costs: Make excuses that you are too busy or too tired to work out, but be certain to make time to watch TV. Any excuse is a good excuse.

2. Avoid moving your body at all if possible: Take the elevator;
drive whenever you can even if it's to go across the street; use
the drive-thru when going to Krispy Kreme or Burger King. Heaven
forbid you burn any calories walking from your car to the counter
at KFC. And always, without exception, use the remote when changing the channel on the TV. Don't even think about getting up to change it.

3. Have a bad attitude about yourself and life in general.
Fatalistic feelings of doom and gloom are great for stress, and
stress is a wonderful way to get fat. If you feel down about
yourself, don't think about the Truth that you're worthy; instead
deny anything good about yourself and invent bad things.

4. Eat all the wrong foods. And eat lots of them. Stuff your self
so you feel sick to your stomach. Compulsive eating should be
mastered if you are at all serious. Moderation is no way to gain
blubbage. You gotta commit to pounding the crap, not dabbling in
it. That's for amateurs.

5. Spend your leisure time in front of the idiot box. Passively
sitting on your rear watching TV is a wonderful way to turn into a big blob of blubber. It's also a fantastic way to avoid life and your thoughts.

6. Don't breathe too deeply because you might activate some
muscles, or relax and get oxygen into your system. This is a big
no-no. Only shallow wheezing is allowed.

7. Persistence and practice are key. Just like getting a fit body
requires some action, so does getting gargantuan. It's not about
letting yourself go but rather making the effort to do the things
that hefty people do. This takes time and work to get massive but
you can do it.

If you're intrested in packing on the blubber, follow these 7
Habits to a T and you'll have no problem reaching your goal.
Believe you me, it actually takes more work to get blubbery than fit.

Do what's easier and better.

Wishing you the best,

Eddie Baran

I wonder how many people this reminds you of?